Monthly Archives: December 2014


Mingalar bah! Can you take me to the Airport? Airport? You know (mimes an airplane) Yes, airport! How much? Nooo. 4000. Ok, good. Let’s go.

Oh, a registration card. You’re a driver by trade? Not one of those guys who hires a car for the day and picks up unsuspecting albinos, gets very lost and then tries to charge them extra.

You drive a Corolla. Who doesn’t? Yours has seen some service though, it looks like it’s travelled from the 1950s. Oh, it did? That explains the holes then. The petrol tank in the boot is an interesting feature. I guess that’s only really dangerous in the event of an accident, or fire. As long as no one’s in the boot when it happens… ah, you can carry six. Two in the boot? No thanks, I’ll sit in the front.

Shall we get going then? Yes, I’m putting on my seatbelt. It’s the law back home you know. At least you have seatbelts. You don’t need the Angry Bird seat belt buckles that stop that annoying beep newer cars have. You know, the safety feature that makes you wear your seat belt? I do like what you’ve done with the dashboard though, cute decorations. Yes, Buddha and dancing flowers are very kitsch and the wooden seat covers don’t slide about or numb your bum too much. Well, who needs padding when bouncing over potholes anyway?

I’m glad you don’t have those horrid betel stains down your door. You simply open the door and hawk it up when you’re sitting in traffic. And when you’re moving? A plastic bag on the choke would do it, yes, better than the floor of your car anyway.

Mirror. Signal. Manoeuvre? You should have three mirrors but waving your arm out of the window and moving off has much the same effect I’m sure. The one in the middle isn’t simply for hanging decorations off you know. What about your wing mirrors? Yes, it must be difficult driving a right-hand drive on the left side of the road; that’s why mirrors are a good thing. Ah, that’s how you lost them?! Oh well, let’s just roll out and hope then.

Lots of traffic today. Well, every day really. Insein Road is just that, insane! Oh, a space. Let’s go for it. Just you and four other drivers, not to mention the fume spewing bus. Yes, please close the windows, one face-full of pollution is enough thanks. Oh, you don’t have air-con? Never mind, I’ll hold my breath until the bus has passed.

Finally, we’re moving. Oh, you know the New York Cabbie one-second rule? But we’re moving. Oh, I see, you’re not impatient; you’re letting the drivers without mirrors know you’re coming. A bit like jungle drums maybe? It’s quite a complex code you use.

Oh god, mind the pedestrians. I don’t think a beep is enough. No! I said mind them not swerve to hit them! Phew! They slipped between the cars before you reached them. That’s another reason to stay in lane, so you don’t hit the pedestrians dodging the traffic. In lane, you know, between the lines? No? Well I don’t suppose anyone else does either.

Ah, we’ve made it! One hour to cover five miles isn’t bad at this time of day I suppose. Thanks for opening the door for me. No, it wasn’t stuck, there just wasn’t a handle!

Kyei: zu: be:!